We talk about death and grieving everyday at Ryan’s Place. We support grieving children, teens and their families…it’s part of our mission statement. We are the experts in grief…right?! Then it happens to one of us, and all of a sudden we are swept up in our own grief. Are we supposed to be the shining example on how to grieve the right way? I certainly hope not. So the question is, “Is there a right way to grieve?”
This weeks What’s Your Grief (WYG) blog “Eight Times Grief Made Me Feel Ugly, Mean, or Crazy” is a good reminder that grief isn’t always pretty and you do NOT have to be strong and courageous.
What are some of the most common grief-thoughts we hear that make grievers feel bad, guilty and not like themselves? Keep reading! Because, like many other things in grief, these are better faced and coped with head on rather than brushed under the carpet. So bring on the ugly.
Feeling #1: You are jealous of people you love (you might know this as, “I want to be happy that you’re happy, but instead I feel kind of bitter and resentful”.
Examples: You’ve had a miscarriage and now your sister, college roommate, and co-worker are all pregnant. Your mother/father/son/daughter died. It’s mother’s day/father’s day and everyone is *so* excited to spend it with their mother/father/son/daughter and they just can’t stop posting about it on social media. Your friend’s daughter is graduating college, something your daughter never got to do. You want to be happy, but that bitterness and resentment keeps creeping in.
Feeling #2: You feel entitled, like life owes you something.
Examples: Just about anytime anything bad happens. You get pulled over for speeding; doesn’t this cop know your husband just died?!? You get reprimanded at work for being late twelve days in a row. Uh, hello, your mom died? You bought a scratch off ticket and didn’t win. You can’t help but think, come on universe, don’t you owe me that $10,000 jackpot for all the crap you’ve put me through??
Feeling #3: You don’t care about anything.
Example: Everything at work, every single day.